For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
