I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize