i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
