you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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