It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
