I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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