I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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