The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
