what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
