Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize