Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
