In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
