I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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