apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
