from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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