There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
