I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
