I wish my penis had an off switch
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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