I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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