He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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