Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
