Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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