My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
