This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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