Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
