Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
