So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
