he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
