i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
