I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
