i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
