He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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