So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I see more hoeing in ur future
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
