We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
