i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
