her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
