you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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