Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
