i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
