My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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