Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
