About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
