The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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