You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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