I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
