I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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