Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So vagazzling was a success
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
