I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
