I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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