All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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