whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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