the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
