We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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