so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
