we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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