We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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