Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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