apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
