I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
