I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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