There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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