alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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