Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
