I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
