I can text with my tongue
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk is a universal language darling
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
