Will you blow on my dice?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
