He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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