He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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