I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
