you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
