I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
