it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
